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#626 2010-07-22 00:19:29

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

Chris, dude, homie, I am the king of NRU selling.  Did you not notice how I get sweet leverage from my various http://thedooverguy.com/about/ websites?  I get things done with my wife who was once a gymnastics champeen and did I tell you I made 6 figures owning a record label until the pirates overtook my sales and made me poor and bagging groceries in a dirty store?
    \
doovertard.jpg
...

If at first you don't suck seed
keep on sucking until you do suck seed.

#627 2010-07-22 00:27:36

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

If at first you don't suck seed
keep on sucking until you do suck seed.

I would like to ask this tard, Chris Record and others if they pull in all this cash why is it they have nothing to show for it?

Do Over geek claimed to live the high life in the music biz.  Then he was bagging groceries before NRU came along.  WTF?  Where did all this money go unless he's lying about how much he pulled in selling M-Boogie and Mykill Miers albums.

#628 2010-07-22 00:29:47

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

I would like to ask this tard, Chris Record and others if they pull in all this cash why is it they have nothing to show for it?

Do Over geek claimed to live the high life in the music biz.  Then he was bagging groceries before NRU came along.  WTF?  Where did all this money go unless he's lying about how much he pulled in selling M-Boogie and Mykill Miers albums.

I'll have you know I have lots of money.  I live in a mcmansion with my preggers wife.  We own lots of shit.
         \
chrisrecord.jpg

#629 2010-07-22 00:31:13

BitterRentard
Medicating
$3196

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

Hmmm

stippick_skate.jpg    ra.jpg

#630 2010-07-22 00:31:36

Buttplugz
Biggest Hebrrew on the block
$141

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

I'll have you know I have lots of money.  I live in a rented mcmansion with my preggers wife.  We own lots of shit.
         \
chrisrecord.jpg

fixt

#631 2010-07-22 00:34:27

BitterRentard
Medicating
$3196

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

I'll have you know I have lots of money.  I rent a room in a mcmansion with my preggers wife.  We own lots of shit.
         \
chrisrecord.jpg

Extra fixt.

#632 2010-07-22 00:44:46

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

My favourite bit of the latest video was when fatbeard told us what an uber-leet marketing genius he was because he managed to post an ad on craigslist. When you have somebody that good with web 2.0 on the team I don't see how you can possibly fail!

Also funny was the obvious contempt that Owen Wilson's ugly twin has for Record - again, not surprising, as Chris Record is a grade A cunt. Must be awful living in a house full of people who all think they're the biggest swinging dick though, wonder if anybody has shoved Record's toothbrush up their arse yet!

#633 2010-07-22 00:46:11

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

My favourite bit of the latest video was when fatbeard told us what an uber-leet marketing genius he was because he managed to post an ad on craigslist. When you have somebody that good with web 2.0 on the team I don't see how you can possibly fail!

Also funny was the obvious contempt that Owen Wilson's ugly twin has for Record - again, not surprising, as Chris Record is a grade A cunt. Must be awful living in a house full of people who all think they're the biggest swinging dick though, wonder if anybody has shoved Record's toothbrush up their arse yet!

#634 2010-07-22 00:50:14

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

Chris, dude, homie, I am the king of NRU selling. 

[snip -- learn it... love it!]


Why yes, can I go skating with you and lay out my concepts?  First I have one where we build blogs and we....
    \
caseytux.jpg

To be continued...

Oh, my sides. I'm fucking gonna die of laughter.

This is the best.

#635 2010-07-22 01:34:49

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

I would like to ask this tard, Chris Record and others if they pull in all this cash why is it they have nothing to show for it?

so, where's YOUR tv show? hmmm? that's what i thought! btw, think i could squeeze you for a few hundred? preggo saddlebags is craving the slightly more expensive instant ramen! care to chat about it on the back 9?
   \
cr.jpg

#636 2010-07-22 01:59:41

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

Putting these things together can not be easy.  They are obviously getting heat for all of the  team building they do, so every so often they need to try to do something about work and show what that team actually does.  Hence fucking boring episodes like this.  This is another blahblahblah fest that is fucking painful to listen to.

We open with Chris Record and Arthur Tubman walking across a parking lot of the local hobo-to-go-go to scoop copies of the San Clemente Times that features a story about a house of retards trying to make pancakes.  I guess they wanted to get copies before the bums used them all for toilet paper.  Tubman still has his headphones in, listening to some old skool Tony Robbins I would guess.  Bill Tully comes in voiceover sounding  like Oscar the Grouch with emphysema: "When you have an event with a celebrity or an athlete endorsement or something great is happening on the field of play or in society in general, getting this kind of press and publication notice is pretty easy.  Some examples are Tiger Woods rookie card in 2001, Tiger was taking the PGA by storm, it was really easy for me to be on ESPN and Sports Centre or on the cover of the Orange County Register.  Here what we have is just a pure business idea that's ahead of it's time that's being recognized by the OCR, the local papers, and the Mayor and the city manager of San Clemente, that kind of management expertise is reflective of a good management team that puts a company ahead of itself, they are clearly not only not making any mistakes, they're heading down the right direction." 

Holy fuck that's a lot to unpack.  He really just compared the UNSTRAPP'D team to Tiger Woods rookie season, the San Clemente Times to ESPN and Brittany Levine to Sports Center.  More amazingly he suggest that the coverage itself is PROOF of sound management, probably because the Mayor of San Clemente is renowned for tough audits before he shakes hands, cuts ribbons, or has photos taken with anyone.  So the theme for this episode is "sound management"?  Great!  Let's see what a steady hand on the tiller looks like shall we?  I'm not even going to touch the "idea ahead of it's time" bullshit.

Cut to Tubman sitting at some kind of Apple contraption.  It's one of the white ones.  He does online and offline marketing.  Right as they were getting ready to launch they noticed that they had a lot of support issues.  Tubman stepped up to create a customer support system.  Three cheers for Arthur!  Wait… their using kayako?  That's an off the shelf fucking system.  A turn-key package.  So he stepped up to buy some software.  That seems to be a different kettle of fish than developing a system.  He continues "one of the things that I had to do to ensure that number [of open issues] stays low, I had to use some of the skill sets that I have with marketing and actually go out and find a person that would be the customer service manager.  And being that I'm in marketing I went ahead and put together a Craigslist ad and I put an ad out there to find the right candidate for the position.  And I happened to find a customer service manager, a lot of the times businesses and managers will just rush into making a decision, rush into creating a system and just do it on the fly and have executives literally do customer service, whereas if they actually take the time and plan it out step by step and put the right people in place, the people who should be doing executive roles like marketing and sales and doing PR and the things that we do to run the business, we can actually do those things and have the people that are doing customer service do customer service.  As soon as that's all running smoothly I'm going to be able to step out of that position and go back to my role as Chief Marketing Officer".  Fuck that's a lot of exposition.

The verbiage these guys use to describe what they do is all of whack with what the actual tasks require.  I don't understand the connection with "marketing skill sets" and advertising for a customer service manager.  I don't know if Dopey McHeadphones has been paying attention, but there is a recession out there.  People want jobs.  As it turns out, a Craigslist ad sufficed.  If the ad had read "will (maybe) pay money for person to get yelled at by strangers via livechat and suck dick as required" the phone would probably still have rung off the hook.  Oh sorry this is new media; the twitter would have blippied off the foursquare.  I also didn't realize that these guys took their roles as "executives" so seriously.  There job isn't to deal with unhappy customers, their job is find happy people and turn them into unhappy customers.  All of these guys need a stretch on the fucking railroad.  The one that I am sort of familiar with had a culture where the trains moved on time, and when there were work slowdowns or unexpected circumstances everyone up to the level of VP would be down at the humpyard breaking trains or doing whatever it took to keep the freight moving.  These guys don't even want to talk to their customers.  Fucking Craigslist. 

Cut to Saddlebags demanding a feeding.  Chris Record recognizes that he isn't qualified to pick out hamburger meat so he needs to utilize his executive team building skill set to recruit an executive team that CAN!  Or maybe no one man can be expected to carry the food required by "Whaleboy" Yermal and Saddlebags.  We sort of get a tour of the mantion as Record has trouble finding anyone who isn't stoned, asleep, or somewhere else getting drunk.  The CEO naturally has nothing to do in the middle of the day, but Russell to too fucking busy.  Tubman shows up since Craigslist is currently fully stocked with "bi-curious Executive trance DJ wants to provide service" ads.  So Tubman is a BBQ expert, and seems to make a mean omelet according to Vanessa.  I wonder how many times he's served breakfast to her?  Still with the fucking headphones, he claims to have done several hundred BBQs.  Holy Shit! He's roasted several hundred hogs?  Smoked a few thousand racks of ribs?  This ought to be something.  Record says he's only BBQd 3 times.  He's more of a pussy than I thought he was.  Record rides the shopping cart around like a retard.  Brad Will must have the munchies; he's eating what looks like a tub of margarine but who knows.  He's also wearing headphones.  New theory: they are tired of hearing each other talk.   

Yeehah! Now we got bluegrass music in the kitchen.  Full marks for not using either Dueling Banjoes or Foggy Mountain Breakdown.  OH FUCK IT'S HAMBURGERS!  Tubman's "hundreds" of BBQs turns out to mean he has thrown a few fucking hundred patties on a gas grill.  I guess this is exactly the same type of overstatement where it takes an executive with marketing experience to post a Craigslist ad.  That's not a celebratory BBQ you fucking tards!  This is one step above a take out run to Johnny Rockets.  Assholes.  At least Tubman can light the grill.  Brad Will has been pushed off to the food dehydrator where he is obsessing over fucking banana chips.  He is making three different kinds.  Why are they so intent on punishing bananas like this.  Maybe these are for poisoning squirrels?  Nothing would surprise me.   

Cut to Stippick on the grill.  He's also doing zucchini.  Which is nice I guess, but still isn't BBQ the way the word was meant to be used.  Burger tip: if you are going to make your patties thick like these fucking retards, dent the center on both sides.  The centers will swell as they cook, and if they aren’t thinned out there they will wind up like fucking baseballs.  They wouldn't even let Tubman cook.  He showed weakness by doing menial work like buying software and posting an ad.  This is an alpha dog world, and only the top dog gets to work the grill.  Record defends him  "Arthur is actually really good too".

We get a sped up view of dinner.  Thank God.  I have no desire to ever find out what the table talk of these cunt flaps is like.  Thanks to John for manning up the grill!  That is one of the basic man skills in life and only two of them seem capable of managing it.  I wonder who kills the bugs and changes the light bulbs in that place.  I bet they have a service.  Tubman put jabaneros in Kyle's burger.  Kyle should return the favor and put jabeneros in Tubman's astroglide.  We get a fireworks montage.  They literally saw four different cities fireworks at once.  What a life changing experience!  There is so much abundance in this world.  That guy, Strom(?) basically repeats what I just said.  You can't parody these guys.  They are dumber than I can comprehend.

On to the Yermal mystery; "We have this big client that is going to bring us a lot of orders, I'm really busy and didn't really have time to do it.  So John, who is incentivized to make this order happen said 'Russell, I will give you a bonus to get this order done, how long will it take you?'.  And I said 'full time, it'll take me about three days'"…some bullshit… and Yermal has four days.   Then Yermal goes and gets it done in one day.  Today, because he was too busy to go to the supermarket.  BUT HE WAS DOWN MAKING FUCKING PATTIES AN HOUR LATER!  It took him eight hours, and he was not only done before dinner, he helped make dinner.  He's getting a custom long board (custom because it presumably needs reinforcement to hold his epic mass without cracking) and a cash bonus for putting in a full days work.

So can I understand this deal?  Stippick is receiving some kind of incentive for this deal.  Is this incentive from the company or is it because the sale is part of some other MLM scam?  Anyways he, in his role as COO, decides to bribe another member of the company to prioritize his work.  The other member is not an employee (and I am dead set against ad-hoc bonuses precisely because it looks like bribing people to do their jobs) but A FUCKING PRINCIPAL OF THE COMPANY!  He is bribing the CIO!  How is this good management?  Yermal is proud of himself for having put in eight hours of work.  Of course he deserves some cash and a long board.  He gets paid a salary and given a place to live and goes on all of the company trips simply for being tall.  You need to pay him extra to get work.

Solid management all around gentlemen.  Call the Mayor for another handshake!

#637 2010-07-22 02:14:34

.

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

Putting these things together can not be easy.  They are obviously getting heat for all of the  team building they do, so every so often they need to try to do something about work and show what that team actually does.  Hence fucking boring episodes like this.  This is another blahblahblah fest that is fucking painful to listen to.

We open with Chris Record and Arthur Tubman walking across a parking lot of the local hobo-to-go-go to scoop copies of the San Clemente Times that features a story about a house of retards trying to make pancakes.  I guess they wanted to get copies before the bums used them all for toilet paper.  Tubman still has his headphones in, listening to some old skool Tony Robbins I would guess.  Bill Tully comes in voiceover sounding  like Oscar the Grouch with emphysema: "When you have an event with a celebrity or an athlete endorsement or something great is happening on the field of play or in society in general, getting this kind of press and publication notice is pretty easy.  Some examples are Tiger Woods rookie card in 2001, Tiger was taking the PGA by storm, it was really easy for me to be on ESPN and Sports Centre or on the cover of the Orange County Register.  Here what we have is just a pure business idea that's ahead of it's time that's being recognized by the OCR, the local papers, and the Mayor and the city manager of San Clemente, that kind of management expertise is reflective of a good management team that puts a company ahead of itself, they are clearly not only not making any mistakes, they're heading down the right direction." 


Solid management all around gentlemen.  Call the Mayor for another handshake!

I forgot to snark about how Yermal needing a bribe makes a lie out of Dully's claim that the management team puts the company ahead of themselves.  It turns out that they  are sucking the company dry as quickly as they can.

#638 2010-07-22 02:20:42

Social Spin media critic
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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

I forgot to snark about how Yermal needing a bribe makes a lie out of Dully's claim that the management team puts the company ahead of themselves.  It turns out that they  are sucking the company dry as quickly as they can.

Another homerun, even if you didn't mention the deeply disturbing "double rainbow" music. 





Gabe Strom, Russell Yermal, Chris Record, Vanessa Record, Arthur Tubman, John Stippick, Bradley Will, Social Media Altitude, Social Spin, Free blog factory, youtube, twitter, facebook, nouveau riche, nouveau riche university, nouveau riche alumni.

#639 2010-07-22 02:26:46

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

Their job isn't to deal with unhappy customers, their job is find happy people and turn them into unhappy customers.

#640 2010-07-22 02:30:38

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

Comment Guy hits another homer!

One thing I noticed several times, and particularly in this one, is the echoey house and the crap audio quality these guys manage to get... half the time it's "mummble MUMBLE (reverb) mblembleble "  and you can;t make out shit, or it hurts to even listen.

And the who focus of the episode is amazing - that the retard they picked up out of the gutter and anointed "Chief Marketing Officer" not only doesn't know shit, but refuses to stoop to learning or doing self-same shit, now that he is in the royal castle.

Fuck 'em all.

#641 2010-07-22 02:34:25

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

Great write up.

I'm actually finding myself looking forward to each episode more and more. I mean the outcome is a certainty, isn't it? They are all fucked and this will end in dismal failure - they get maybe a couple of hundred views for each episode and most are those are from CI tards, so I don't think the business has a hope in hell. That means that with each episode we will get more tension, more fighting, more passive aggressive fucktards wearing headphones continuously, everything will just get funnier in other words. They must have nearly burnt all their scammed startup money already, so the shit must hit the fan soon.

We should run a book on who cracks and leaves first - my bet is John, his shit eating smile looks ready to drop already.

#642 2010-07-22 02:37:23

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

The one that I am sort of familiar with had a culture where the trains moved on time, and when there were work slowdowns or unexpected circumstances everyone up to the level of VP would be down at the humpyard breaking trains or doing whatever it took to keep the freight moving.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classifica … Hump_yards

The things you learn.

#643 2010-07-22 02:45:23

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

I really like to ride the grocery carts when I go shopping.  After seen Record do it, I think I'll stop.

#644 2010-07-22 02:51:34

.

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

Great write up.

I'm actually finding myself looking forward to each episode more and more. I mean the outcome is a certainty, isn't it? They are all fucked and this will end in dismal failure - they get maybe a couple of hundred views for each episode and most are those are from CI tards, so I don't think the business has a hope in hell. That means that with each episode we will get more tension, more fighting, more passive aggressive fucktards wearing headphones continuously, everything will just get funnier in other words. They must have nearly burnt all their scammed startup money already, so the shit must hit the fan soon.

We should run a book on who cracks and leaves first - my bet is John, his shit eating smile looks ready to drop already.

I want to buy a square on William "Bill "Get me the fuck out of here now, dammit!" Dully:

dully_thinks.jpg

#645 2010-07-22 02:55:11

Buttplugz
Biggest Hebrrew on the block
$141

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

wrote:

The one that I am sort of familiar with had a culture where the trains moved on time, and when there were work slowdowns or unexpected circumstances everyone up to the level of VP would be down at the humpyard breaking trains or doing whatever it took to keep the freight moving.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classifica … Hump_yards

The things you learn.

When I got out of college I worked at the Santa Fe RR.  Went on a field trip to KC yards and visited the hump yard.  The guy running the hump was introduced as the hump master.

#646 2010-07-22 03:08:04

Clive
Member
$0

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

I love the bottles of pellagrino

#647 2010-07-22 03:10:17

ExFCER
Now trending Gothic IKEA...
$1290

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

BitterRentard wrote:

Hmmm

stippick_skate.jpg    ra.jpg

Seperated at birth...

#648 2010-07-22 03:28:13

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

ExFCER wrote:

Seperated at birth...

Triplets, perhaps? C'mon, I need a gig - BAD! I'm dyin' here, what with that bicycle-trick riding Mr. Fucking Sunshine  twink over there in San Clemente stealin' my internet lime light... throw me a bone... a photoshop... parody... snarky comment... SUMTHIN'!!!!"

\

caseytux.jpg

#649 2010-07-22 04:12:02

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Re: kyle garrett: now in the game

Heekee wrote:

I love the bottles of pellagrino

mmmmmmmmmm. Doucheburgers and San Pellegrino!  These tards know how to party!

#650 2010-07-22 04:16:48

Buttplugz
Biggest Hebrrew on the block
$141

Re: kyle garrett: now in the game


$100 for a case of water?

http://www.amazon.com/Pellegrino-Sparki … B001CTJOFK


Nothing is too good when you got OPM to spend
\




Honestly I that they were beer bottles.  Which I thought wouldn't look good on video.

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